A 30-something horror professional. A cranky old "goth" grrl. This is my niche on the web to work out my frustrations...
DOB: October 19, 1970
Born in: Vancouver, BC
Currently resides: Edmonton, Alberta
No web rings at this time
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Here to whine again! lol
I need a 48 hour day I swear!
I was left with a short staffed office and a computerized nightmare of a mess! I am the resident "computer geek" for this group. And, I wish the Boss man would figure that out! Damn! I've got managers calling me left and right, "how do I do this", "how do I make this carried" and other various dumb things... I don't mind the questions, the morning was just a little insane. This little insomniac workaholic is going to look like hell in a few days... The raise better buy me a lot of pretty things and make my car go!
Sounds like rodney is having a hard time with work as well as health... My thoughts are with you over all these miles my dear! *big mushy hugs*. Sounds like the fates have something big in store for you and you need your health to get to that next level.
Because of where I live, I haven't had the benefit of having much of a mentor when it comes to Thelema and Gnosticism - do they have healing circles? My own personal religion is a bastardized version of the bits and pieces of things I've learned from several different cultures and religions. I've always wanted to learn more about Thelemic theory and practice, but the books are hard to get a hold of, and all the groups out this way have lost their charters... Some day when I am old and grey I will live in a city where there is a lodge or temple and be able to learn more...
Remember how cold it was when you came here to Edmonton to sing for us? Well the snow hit early this year and its damn cold here - a high of minus 10 c today! Another night that is filed away in the "cold, but good" memories pile! lol
See, now I'm just reminiscing and babbling - I think it's time to go and attempt to struggle to get a few hours of rest...
By Rebecca at 7:56 PM |
Monday, October 27, 2003
A few days ago (last week) I was complaining that my career goals weren't moving ahead as scheduled according to me. I was frustrated with the way my hours were being shifted around here and there and pissed at all the responsibility that had been put on my shoulders with little to no pay increase to show for it, I was ready to quit and had actually submitted a resume for an Executive Assistant position because it had very few hours and maximum pay - so I had the ability to go back to doing fetish work again, and coding and design contracts.
WELL - Chaos, my friend, has again visited to laugh at me...
I was given my own store!
I have been fast tracking for management for about the last 3 months, but got discouraged because the management training classes didn't have enough interest for them to go ahead for September, so they were cancelled. They were rescheduled for January - which was WAY off on my schedule - by January I would have gotten bored and looked for something else - I'm a workaholic who has to be constantly challenged to learn new things.
Friday I get pulled into the office by my boss. Earlier she had commented that she didn't expect to see me when she got back from vacation - I thought she meant that she knew I was frustrated with how things were going and I was ready to walk - too much stress with training all the minions and then stuff piled on from home as well... She told me that they were going to pull me from my current store to go and help out another store - I assumed it would be as an assistant manager, so I was excited, but not overly so - I have been an assistant manager for months now (acting, not certified).
The boss' boss then showed up and wanted to talk to me. He told me where I was being pulled (way west end) which I was okay with - I don't like the commute that I am going to have to do every morning, but at least it will motivate me to get my driver's license faster!! Then it donned on me about 5 minutes into the question and answer period that he hadn't said anything about "assistant manager" at any time... I interrupted him as soon as it became clear and said "whoa, back up for just a second, did you say MANAGER?". He smiled and nodded yes. That's when my jaw dropped and the rest of the conversation is more or less a haze.
The big boss left and my boss came back in - and gave me a big hug, told me how proud of me she was and then told me that in the 15 years she has been with the company she has NEVER seen this... I am being given my own store on a probationary basis for 2 months before I have gone to school and become certified. When my 2 months is up, it will be time for management school in January - and it sounds like if I do well for my probation, they will keep me there!
I've been elated and scared to death, up and down for the last 3 days. Sleep hasn't come easily, nor has eating... I took today off to have a "chill" day before I take over. The big boss told me he's half expecting the staff to up and quit on me in the first 2 weeks because they are all of the same ethnic background and I am the white girl going in and stirring things up. It worries me slightly, but I can be very sweet, patient, and easy to get along with if it suits my purposes! *laughs* I've been in management positions enough to know about all the stupid little head games human beings like to play with each other, so I just generally don't even go there!
Anyhoo - I have a staff meeting to go to in a couple of hours to introduce me to my new staff. The big boss has already warned me not to go into this like a "little Nazi" (I'm usually very strict, yet very patient with my staff - I like things to be organized and neat but I don't yell or primp!), which I hadn't planned on doing anyhow - but the boss hasn't had the opportunity to spend much time with me to see my management style with my employees. He has chosen a person that is "analytical with a gentle heart". (his words) but he still worries that I am going to power trip when I get in there. Not gonna happen.
To be a good leader, you have to lead by example - which is my mantra where management is concerned. I like to know how to do everything from the bottom up. I am not a "back room" manager that only does the paperwork - I am right in there helping do everything else that needs to get done in the day. I genuinely care about my staff, but I never befriend them, though that has a lot to do with my lifestyle that I don't want them to know about.
Well, I better get some dress casual clothes together for this - dress the part so I look professional, but not pretentious.
By Rebecca at 3:46 PM |
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Isn't she gorgeous? Part of my b-day loot! I also got a really snazzy set of Scary Miss Mary juice glasses, which apparently no longer exist - it looks like whoever owned the rights to her has sold them. (It used to be www.welovefine.com)
I'm almost tempted to take all the crap off her hair and stuff and steal it for myself! :-P David actually suggested buying another so that I could.
On other news - had my performace review yesterday - passed with flying colors yet again and got the maximum raise amount. My boss is good though, she is going on holidays and said "I'm half expecting you to not be here when I get back" she just may be right - with all the screwing around that's been going on with calling me in for hours, and all the damn staff I've had to train over the past couple of weeks for the new location - they've been piling all sorts of stress on me! So added to the stress at home right now - it's a very large weight... Thank the gods for my hobbies (chainemaile) or I think I might just need a vacation in a nice, white, padded room!
Waiting for my bank transfer to go through to my American account so I can burn this damn journal and bring out version 2.0!!!. I have a blogger as well, which I love because I can change the style, and it's gorgeous, but there isn't the community like there is here, nor the ability to leave comments for your friends and loved ones.
Working dutifully on Tomb's Halloween package... The best in Asian horror... Ichi the Killer, Happiness of the Katakuris, Battle Royale, Ichi the Killer Episode 0 (Anime), Kairo, Uzumaki, Freeze Me, St. John's Wort, Gozu, Dead or Alive, Deadly Oulaw Rekka and the list goes on! This stuff of course, is all on VCD (thank-you China-town!) as I don't have the patience to encode it and burn it to DVD... My DVD collection is eclectic, lots of horror - listed here
By Rebecca at 2:15 PM |
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Angst ahead, you may want to skip reading this one!
Okay this has been about the crappiest birthday to date - have to learn to follow those gut instincts more!
Marc couldn't make it - he's from Calgary - no problem
Steph couldn't make it - she's from Ft. St. John's, BC - no problem
Liane couldn't make it - she's in Toronto - no problem
Chris and Carrie couldn't make it cuz I couldn't reach them in time (my Outlook freaking crashed and I haven't been able to retrieve the info)
Heidi ended up with a kidney infection and couldn't make it - whaddya say to that one?
Anissa (who is a single mom) went to bed for a nap and didn't wake until 4 am - understandable!
Raven who couldn't make it because she is dirt poor (understandable) to the dinner part, which I did offer to pay for and there was more than enough food, ask me, I took home a lot of leftovers... Promised me she would come to the cheesecake and martinis at least.. I phoned at 10:30 which was when we got back from dinner and all I got was the answering machine... This is a girl that is up all hours of the night playing on her webcam. Whatever! It was my fault because it was "too late" and she fell asleep - no apology offered from her...
So I sat there with my bf and his best friend (also a friend of mine) and the three of us had dinner - now how pathetic did I feel? I had a lot of emailed, and phoned birthday wishes, which was nice, and I have to remind myself that my nearest and dearest friends live out of town... but DAMN! All I wanted for my day was to share a meal and some drinks with some close friends.
Am I acting like a spoiled child with hurt feelings - damn right I am! How would you feel if you had a party and no one showed up??
By Rebecca at 5:37 PM |
Monday, October 20, 2003
I predict hours of geeky "oohs and ahhhs"
By Rebecca at 1:17 PM |
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Gees it's been so long since I've actually had an evening out with friends that I'm not exactly sure WHAT to do with myself! *smiles*
The Elvira thing went okay - but I must have intimidated someone - all my coworkers thought I should have won the prize for best costume, but didn't even make the top five! Ah well - *sigh*
Looking forward to the company of a few good friends, in a nice restaurant, an excellent meal and then cheesecake and martinis at my place afterwards... Speaking of my place, it looks like a bomb hit it, so I better get to work!
By Rebecca at 1:55 PM |
Friday, October 17, 2003
I feel sorry for Cassandra Peterson!! lol
I've been asked to play "Elvira" at a company function tonight and with all the ablutions, makeup, costume, prepping the wig etc, we're looking at 4 hours!! Damn! Ah well - my alter Halloween ego is about to emerge...
By Rebecca at 5:30 AM |
Sunday, October 05, 2003
December 19, 1995 - October 5, 2000
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
I still miss you terribly pup!
By Rebecca at 11:27 AM |
Friday, October 03, 2003
Usually my favourite month...
Not this year... Money is the problem... Just found out that Michelle has gone to London to hang out with Mistress Persephone - I'm SO jealous... All the other girls of 'Satanic Sluts' are being all fabulous and spoiled and getting to hang out together while I sit here in Canada and bloody rot! Next thing I know Michelle is going to have her face in the 'Sluts' directory and one-up me...
Now don't get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with that - she' s a good person and she deserves it just as much as the next person does, but I've worked long and hard at my career and marketing myself and because of the last 2 years having to deal with depression and poverty, I haven't gotten much of anything done career wise! It's hard to be beautiful when you don't think of yourself as such!
Then there is David... I know his is beyond frustration with me, but he's not helping out the situation any by not taking care of himself... I'm sure he wouldn't like it if I brought some boy-toy home and started fooling around with him without David's consent... He expects me to welcome his ladies with open arms and get involved with them... He has no idea what Chantal, Krista and Julia have done to my already fragile ego... Sucks!!
I don't know how to pull myself up out of this funk... I'm hoping that mid November there will be enough cash to help out my fetish wardrobe a bit and do something with the dungeon space to spruce it up a bit... Get my antique Psychiatric couch shipped up from Calgary so that it's finally home...
And lastly, but certainly not least - Betty moving away to Dallas... I didn't want to make a move when Shaun was around because I find that totally disrespectful and my empathy told me it would really upset him, so I laid off and backed away from her... Now it seems as though just when I thought I had a chance with her, she has found herself a boy toy in Dallas and wants to move there to be with him, dropping everything and everyone she has here....
I mean, I don't expect her to come to me and approve everything with me first, I just think this decision is a little too much, too fast. I only wish for her happiness, so hopefully things will work out the way she wants them to in the end.
Okay, I'm just making myself worse by dwelling on all this stuff... So I am going to sign off now...
By Rebecca at 12:48 PM |